Where is my love?

Floundering on these paths
I have been looking for lost love.
No not the personified
not the human figure; not the partner.
It’s the abstract noun I am looking for-
The feeling called love,
That which is no longer found in me.
I searched the insides. The outsides.
I searched for it in words, in images, in the universe.
In books, in tears, in a cup of coffee,
On a plate, beside a tree, before the sea,
Atop mountains, on a bike ride,
Far away, near, amidst – it’s nowhere.

I squeeze and squeeze myself in the hope that
maybe a drop of it would surface.
No. Nothing. It’s long gone.
Evaporated. Vanished.

How? Where? Exactly when did it begin?
This vanishing act of love;
This corrosion of my being
For without love, I am nothing.

Sad movies. Real tragedy. Remorseful Poetry.
An orphaned urchin. Someone’s pain.
Nothing, nothing brings it about – Nothing.

Once I had it in abundance.
Now there’s nothing left.
They say if you give away all of it without
receiving any in return – it depletes.
That’s not true!
Love’s like a wild obdurate plant,
doesn’t need much;
you keep trampling, it keeps growing.

Or on the other hand, maybe there are chances
I might have received some
And it was I who was too full
Or hollow – without a bottom
Or hard, like a stone and love just washed over me and moved on.